This is the Riverside Black Rock Telephone News Service calling, to let you know about something that is happening in the neighborhood this Sunday afternoon. There is going to be a Dixieland Band at the Line End Restaurant; yes a real live Dixieland Band. Every lady will get a rose and every man will have a chance to talk to Rose.
Rose likes Dixieland Music, so she will be there. Her husband played Dixieland in the south with the FBI during probation, he is still in the South. Dancing Don may be there, he’s recuperating at home from a bump on the head. He is called so because if there is music going his feet are moving, even when conversing. Don is the only 5′ 7″ man in three states that can dance under a pool table. John Harold Lagomorpha, alias Bonny Ears, will be there. He is the man, that takes care of the little rabbits that grade, size and color the eggs for the Easter Rabbit to hide in Riverside Park at Easter. I’ve tried to find out where he keeps the little rabbits, but he only tells me they cost a lot of money to feed.
I think he’s trying to get me to buy him a drink. Door Knob Fritz will be there. If you can corner him you may get him to tell you were he gets the frequent black eye. He tells me he has BLACK CIRCLE EYE DISEASE. And Lieutenant Inspector Fusilier said he will be there. He is the famous Scotland Yard Detective that retired to Black Rock after the great Jack The Ripper Investigation in the 1800’s. We know he will be there because he left his mark on a Riverside Park bench. We have this information because Tommy Toe, the Lieutenant’s only worldly contact deciphered the mark for us. Tommy Toe has uttered this information to us: “Inspector Fusilier will be there, but he will not appear; he wants to save his appearances for hot summer evenings in Riverside Park behind the cemetery.”
Moreover, the Inspector has instructed Tommy to inform the proprietors that the Inspector will hide his mark in the establishment. The finder will receive a prize from Inspector Fusilier. Tommy Toe will be there. He is a retired jewel thief and second story man. You will be able to spot him because he has a floating balloon gate. We thing that’s a hangover from his working days. Boots the Doorman will be there, he won’t come in unless someone opens the door for him, and he won’t leave unless someone lets him out. Boots likes mice. So, there you have it, interesting people, a prize, good Dixieland Music and there’s no cover charge.